Yesterday the kids and I went up to Germany to go big grocery shopping. This used to be a monthly activity, but spending one Saturday out of three shopping was getting to be a drag. So, now we buy more in Switzerland and just stock up on certain items that are a lot cheaper in Germany or that we can only find there. Still takes all day, but I have to do it less often. Anyway, I decided to make an outing of it, since it was their last day of vacation, and we had lunch at Burger King before going shopping. This is a huge treat, as the last time they had fast food hamburgers was over a year ago when Lexi was born. (The trip to America we were very good and never ate a single time at either Burger King or McDonalds.)
They were great kids the whole time we were shopping. A couple of times, their playing got a bit out of hand. Not because they were being that wild, just too wild for a narrow aisle in a grocery store where other people are also trying to do their shopping. They even helped me unload the cart onto the conveyor belt and were especially good at standing close by, but out of the way, as I frantically loaded all the shopping bags so that the customers behind me could also check out. They even kept Lexi entertained for me, since she was starting to get tired of sitting in the cart, but is too prone to running off to let out of the cart. We had to fill up the cart, unload it, load up the bags, take the bags to the car and load up the car 4 times before we could go home. It was a long, tiresome, boring afternoon, and the kids were seriously so well behaved, considering.
As we were loading up the last of the shopping bags in the car, a woman, about mid-fifties, I would guess, walks by staring at us. I didn't really notice her, until she spoke to me. This is the conversation as near as I can remember it, taking into consideration that I am translating from the original German into English.
Her: Five children!?! Are they all yours?
Me: Yes. (turn around, go back to loading car)
Her: But that's enough now, isn't it?
Me: sighing inwardly at the total rudeness of the question, and deciding to shock her a bit just for fun Well, I wanted at least one more, but I had to stop for health reasons. We would have loved another boy to even things out.
Her: My goodness. What a lot of work they are.
Me: Oh, there is much more joy than there is work.
Her: Reeeallly? Hmm. finally walks away
So, I usually don't let these kinds of things bother me for too long. They happen often, and I try to just let it roll off my back. I mean, these people are idiotic strangers I will never see again, what do I care what they think? But I really hate it when they say stuff like this right in front of my kids. How insulting and degrading can you get? Going on and on about how horrible it must to have all these children in front of my children! I have decided to vent out my frustration about it here once and for all. It won't put a stop to these comments, but it will make me feel better.
I have five kids because I WANTED five kids. In fact, I really did go through a slight depression after Lexi's birth knowing that it was the LAST one. That I would never have any more kids. I really, truly, wanted 6. I feel very grateful for the five I do have. I know many people, very dear to me, who can't have that many, or even any, kids and so that makes me cherish them even more. They are truly little treasures from heaven. Yes, there are moments of frustration, occasionally there are entire days that go horribly, terribly wrong. But that is usually my fault, not theirs.
My kids make me laugh, deep belly laughs, all the time. They show me the world, and all that is in it, in a whole new way. I truly enjoy spending time with them. They are very creative and interesting. Everything I like to do is given deeper meaning because of them. Why would I scrapbook, if not to share it with them? Why would I spend so many months cross-stitching pictures, if not to pass them on to them eventually? I like to try and find recipes that will taste good to them, and keep them alive and healthy.
They are not millstones around my neck, dragging me down, messing up my life. They.Are.My.Life. and I like it that way. I make no excuses for it. That doesn't make me weak, stupid, ill-informed, or unenlightened. Far from it, actually. I have embraced my God-given calling and am truly trying to magnify it and do better every day it. It is a sacred trust I have for these five little souls and I don't want to mess them up.
Just because you, (general you) can only handle 1.7 kids because you're too selfish, lazy, unorganized, undisciplined, or whatever other reason, doesn't mean I can't. So please, keep your snotty judgments to yourself, and try to fix what's broken in your own home, rather than condemning me for doing what you can't. Whew! That felt good. Thanks for listening.
Good for you, Amy! My mom had seven kids and would get stupid comments like that all the time. I remember her telling me once that a woman lectured her because all of us kids were taking up more than our fair share of air. NUTS! It's amazing the things people will say out loud. I wish everybody would just mind their own dang business. I think big families are so great. I wouldn't even be here if my parents had stopped at the socially appropriate number of kids. I get sad sometimes that Joey and I won't be having as many kids as we had originally planned. But, I'll take what I can get.